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Young Writers Society



Fictional Wizard

by Thriving Fire


I'm not overly fond of this, simply because I've written a lot better, but it comes from somewhere dark, where deep meaning is less important than honesty. And at any rate, I needed to put something new up.

Fictional Wizard
I owe my betters, more than I have
I owe my friends a lifetime's wealth
I owe my weapons, death.

CHORUS:
What's behind's irrelevant
What's in front will soon be there
So what are you worrying yourself with?
Everything to a bloody end.
So let's build castles; let's build tracks
Let's build wells and say things we'll want
to take back.

And I see disease, in rotted spheres
I see unease in all your tears
I'll be better, but keep your fear.

BRIDGE:
Adrenaline, the fire is pumping out
A northern answer to the smoky black clouds
Let's build castles, and burn them down.
Let's build castles...

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User avatar


Points: 890
Reviews: 3

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Mon May 26, 2008 3:59 am
Rebirth wrote a review...



I remembered Metallica and their song, Unforgiven while reading your lyrics. I assume this is a metal rock/hard rock song. It seems a little strange to me a bit so considering your song progression. It goes like, verse, chorus, verse, then bridge. It's a bit unorthodox. The first three parts, verse, chorus, verse are okay but the bridge part is a bit weird. Usually the bridge connects the other parts to the beginning of the song, follows up to a chorus or an instrumental then chorus or another verse. But hey, it's just me talking here. Anyway as for the lyrics,

----------------------------------------
I owe my betters, more than I have
I owe my friends a lifetime's wealth
I owe my weapons, death.

What's behind's irrelevant
What's in front will soon be there
So what are you worrying yourself with?
Everything to a bloody end.
So let's build castles; let's build tracks
Let's build wells and say things we'll want
to take back.
----------------------------------------

It seems to me you're talking about a war or a battle or something. The lyrics are okay, I just didn't get what the title's relevance to the lyrics though. Anyway do you have the chords/tabs for this? I would love to play it, mate.




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516 Reviews

Points: 890
Reviews: 516

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Sun May 25, 2008 8:43 pm
chocoholic wrote a review...



I liked this. It's not what you usually see songs about, but it was good. I could get a tune in some places, but in others I was stuck.

I owe my weapons, death.


I don't really get this line. She owes her weapons death? Also, it's a lot shorter than the two before it, so the tune I put with it didn't work. Maybe it worked with your beat, but that's just what I've found.

So let's build castles; let's build tracks
Let's build wells and say things we'll want
to take back.


I liked this bit. It's very powerful and emotional, and says what you need it to.

say things we'll want
to take back.


This bit, I had trouble fitting my tune into. Personally, I think it sounds a bit childish, and you could word it better. I can't think of anything right now, but I reckon you should work on it.

And I see disease, in rotted spheres
I see unease in all your tears
I'll be better, but keep your fear.


Love this bit. Cant find anything wrong with it, I just think it's really cool.


Overall, very good song. Could be improved in some places, but on the whole a job well done.

Good luck in future!





Morning without you is a dwindled dawn.
— Emily Dickenson